Our move to India has got me roaming through my many emotions, memories, and feelings. It’s causing me to go deeper than I care to go on most days. Recently, I was inspired to write about all the “hats that I wear” (also known as “labels” or “roles”). Referring to the “Hats I wear”, is a figurative concept in my case because I don’t really like to wear actual hats on my head. I am noticing the deep impact each of these “hats” is having on me in this new cultural environment.
Since I have lived cross-culturally from the age of five, understanding culture has been a huge passion of mine for many years.
I am what is termed a “third culture kid” (TCK) because I was born in one country (India), moved to another as a young child (Canada) and then moved to a third country (USA) in my early 20’s.
As of June 2021, I have relocated back to my birth country and am discovering that some of my experiences and perspectives don’t always fit here. After living in the West for the past 48+ years, I am seeing a huge shift in how this culture is impacting my roles.
Although I know I belong, I am learning to navigate how and where I fit. Being a TCK usually means that a person is living in a country that isn’t their country of origin.
But in my case, this is my country of origin and my return to live here after so many decades make much of it feel very foreign to me. It has been good to grow in my understanding around each of these “hats” so I can learn to navigate this new season of my story, but to also engage more effectively with those around me.
Because of the weight of this topic, I have decided to write several consecutive blogs with each blog highlighting two hats and how the culture has specifically made an impact on each of these areas of my life. Each “hat” has a correlating picture.
Artist: Deb Sardar
Before I go any farther, I want to give a special THANK YOU to very special 17-year-old artist, Deb Sardar, for her incredible drawings that not only captured so much of my heart but also helped me to pen these messages.
In some cases, she took an actual photograph I had and turned it into a masterpiece. Other pieces were her original ideas. She is a native of India who also carries a multiethnic and multicultural narrative in her story, and as an artist, she really heard my heart and created pieces that fit accordingly.
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Back to hats…we often silently reflect on all the “hats” we wear and how we must juggle our personality under all those hats. It can be quite daunting, but those who are close to me know I love a good challenge. I am writing this blog in hopes that it will encourage you to learn to live into your best self and will deepen your understanding of your own “hats” within the culture that you are in.
“WHO AM I?” This is often one of the first questions I ask my clients to answer as we navigate their narratives and help them achieve their goals. Many times, they are stumped and end up telling me “What they do” and not “Who they are”. There are a variety of reasons why this is the case, but I have noticed that on more than one occasion it is because they haven’t taken the time to self-reflect. In some cases, individuals I have spoken with or clients I have coached, are in the habit of allowing others to define who they are, or they have allowed their turbulent and traumatic circumstances to write the story for them.
I have learned that understanding our “hats”, how our identity is impacted by them, what they are rooted in , and how the surrounding culture has influenced them is an overall helpful process to undertake.
The “hats” or roles I have are as follows: I am a daughter, sister, wife, mother, mother-in-law, grandmother, friend, coach/mentor, business owner, and Indian-born Westerner. I am wearing all these “hats” and all-the-while relearning how to juggle my personality under those labels in a culture that has different expectations than the one, I grew up in. My faith also informs me on how and where to make necessary changes and fuels me to endure the challenges that come along the way.
I am happy to say that my core is staying constant while often being met with disappointment by some because I am not meeting their expectations. I think they secretly hope that I will completely change back to my Indian identity. To the disappointment of some, I cannot completely change but I will learn to adapt and continue to live into being unapologetically, authentically ME!
My years in Western culture taught me that complete assimilation can be very damaging to an individual and doesn’t necessary allow a person to celebrate their uniqueness amidst the diversity. Now that I’m back in my birth country, I am reaping the benefits of a deeper understanding of my cultural identity.
Maintaining your uniqueness in any culture can be difficult, for a variety of reasons. But if you are a people pleaser or one who assimilates out of a need for acceptance, it can be even more challenging. I know this because I was one of those people when I moved from Canada to the USA.
I am thankful for the decades of living in the West, which taught me much and gave me the tools and approaches on how to avoid those and other pitfalls. These tools and approaches can also help you live into your authentic self and to walk in confidence with the labels that you carry.
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Here’s to GROWING FORWARD TOGETHER as we learn to live unapologetically authentic lives!!
Reflection:
Where do you struggle with “fitting in” and / or “belonging”?
How do you respond when external expectations collide with your values?
What messages does your culture give you that impact your identity in positive or negative ways?
Blessings,
Kinita
